Okay so an INCREDIBLE thing happened, at least in my eyes.
It has been difficult for me to take time to share with you what I feel to be evidence of God, because I hate to present information that is easily explainable by other means. I have lots of moments day-by-day that I feel connect me with whatever/whoever God is. But it’s mostly based on faith due to what I’ve been through for years. Stuff that if I were to share, you could easily say it’s all in my head. But what happened last night gave me something worth sharing, something hard to refute, how perfectly aligned everything was.
To start, last month, I was going to do join some friends in some venture in north St. Louis to hand out clothes and basic necessities to homeless folks on the street. It was on a Saturday morning, and the night before, I decided to have a margarita at dinner. I ate plenty of food and drank plenty of water before bed, but somehow it wasn’t enough, and in the morning I didn’t feel 100%. I hadn’t been able to sleep much either for some reason. I also only got up in enough time to get ready, so I didn’t have breakfast, therefore I was feeling pretty crappy after we’d been serving for a couple hours.
A month later, scheduled for today, we were to do this again, and I was determined to be more prepared last night. I avoided snacks and alcohol before bed, and fell asleep before 11 PM, planning to have breakfast in the morning after a full night’s rest, therefore being in tip-top shape to serve people in the morning. I woke up at 130 AM, however, and just couldn’t fall back asleep. For no reason. Wide awake. And not long after waking up, I started worrying about my financial situation. I am in tremendous debt, which seems to constantly revolve/increase and not improve. Additionally, I had learned the day before that one of my younger cousins makes over 40K because she got hooked up with a secretary job at some law firm through a friend, something I could easily do if given the opportunity, and was having a hard time not being jealous. Even reminding myself that money is no measurement of happiness, it seemed unfair, so I was thinking about that when I woke up as well. Worrying that I’ll never get out of debt and will never get to move out of my parents’ house again because of my mistakes in life.
Finally, after like 2 hours, I made it a point to do something about my feelings. I searched that specific job title on career sites, and realized that I can get a high-paying job- not even close to 40K, but still more than I make now- if I want to. Furthermore, I thought about the job I have now, where I’ve only been for less than 3 months and has been very promising for advancement once I complete my temporary assignment. I felt at peace again, remembering to put my faith in God’s will and grace, and prayed to him to give me peace and comfort and faith and promising I won’t give up even if it gets hard sometimes to believe I’m on the right track with him.
Still, after assuring myself of this, I just couldn’t fall asleep. At least another hour went by. It was around 4 by now. I thought about my mission for the morning and how I’d taken every precaution to succeed, and yet for no reason was being held back from the sleep I required for the task. I wondered if it was another situation where some demon is trying to derail my plan for God’s glory. I said aloud, something like this, “Devil, you have no place here. You’re not going to stop me from going there tomorrow. You need to get the fuck out of here and let me sleep.” Finally, I fell asleep, but for such a short time. The plus side is, I became lucid finally, it’s been so long! But I didn’t remember my mission. There was some girl in the room, in some house with closed doors, and I told her, “Oh but this isn’t the house.” She understood what I meant, which is that it was a dream, and she said “Oh,” in recognition of what I said. “What do we do then?” she asked. I told her I didn’t remember. The dream changed to a slight nightmare, in a different scene, and then I woke up. This time, instead of battling the devil, I handed the sword to God.
I prayed that he would cast out whatever demon was in my way, and help me to get the sleep that I desperately needed at this point.
A few minutes later, I fell asleep. No memory of what I dreamed. This was around 5 AM. Woke up to my alarm at 7 AM and started to load up my car with the many bags of clothes my family had given me to donate to the cause, feeling like I had the energy to face the day, despite only getting 4 hours sleep, divided by a huge time gap. Once the trunk was completely full and I had to resort to putting additional bags in the backseat, something occurred to me: No wonder some demon didn’t want me to be ready for this. I have a lot to give! I started the car and said, “Satan, you lost.” I headed over to meet at Tiffany’s house.
After we had completed our venture, Tiffany told me she had woken up at 130 last night and felt really anxious. She couldn’t fall back asleep and had no idea why she felt anxious, and it didn’t feel like it had anything to do with her. For some reason, she thought of me, and prayed for me. Then she watched some podcasts of sermons that she likes, because she still couldn’t sleep. She fell asleep around 5 AM.
How incredible. We woke up at the same time, and she thought of me in the thick of her anxiousness, and prayed for me, then she fell asleep at the same time that I finally did. And in the end, evil lost the battle! Both Tiffany and I had fought through prayer, completely unaware of the others’ actions, at the exact same times.
I’ve been told that in order to overcome spiritual warfare, you have to push through. And we did. And almost all the clothes I brought to the donation site were taken by people who truly needed them. We had a table full of women’s clothes, and it was nearly empty in comparison by the time the crowd died out. All the toothbrush/toothpaste/floss packages were gone, and both blankets were gone as well.
The next three sentences might sound egotistical at first, but bear with me, as to me it is simply reasoning for why something was trying to keep me from going to St. Louis today: Without my presence, those donated items simply wouldn’t have been there. Without my presence, 10 people would still be without the means to clean their teeth.
Without my presence, evil would have won. And I’ve come to a point where I credit that to God.
Like I’ve said, whatever works. Results reveal truth. And whatever works is what I’m going to do.