I am 27 years old. Since attending church over the past year, I have really wanted to know the truth about if Jesus is real. I genuinely believe that God is a natural, spiritual force, within and around us all. But people at church are constantly talking about Jesus, and I’m tired of telling myself and others, “The idea of Jesus is wonderful, but there’s no way to prove he really existed since it supposedly happened thousands of years ago and his miracles don’t happen anymore.” I’m tired of not having an answer. I figured out a good way to find the truth: Through lucid dreaming.
Being a self-proclaimed spiritual person consistently for years now, I have definitely had some interesting experiences that strengthen my faith in the supernatural. From an amazing supernatural experience at my grandma’s burial, to ghostly encounters in haunted buildings, to coincidences that are too amazing to be just that, there’s been no doubt in my mind that there is more to this world than meets the eye.
As a kid and teen, I’d randomly have lucid experiences in my dreams, but in those early years of it, I’d wake up as soon as I realized I was dreaming. I described it as, it’s like I’m not allowed to know I’m dreaming. That’s how I explained why I’d wake up right away.
I don’t remember what got me interested in harnessing my lucid dreams, but the year was 2009. I was just shy of turning 21. I was on vacation with my family in Orange Beach, Florida. I’d been telling myself for days that I wanted a lucid dream- I’d read that that is one way to become lucid. Just remind yourself when awake that you want it to happen at night. Easy enough, and no funky ritual with candles as seances required when I was little (which never worked, though I pretended they did). We were only at the hotel for 2 days, and the second night yielded what I’d been waiting for. I’d been having lucid dreams lately, but hadn’t been strong enough yet to actually use them consciously once the lucidity hit. This night, I finally made conscious choices once it hit me. I’m going to share it with you because it has a spiritual message, as all my lucid dreams are going to have.
In the dream, an old friend and I were running through the corridors of a house that was crumbling down all around us. The feeling of needing to escape was intense. Suddenly, it hit me that I was dreaming. I remembered to let the fear drop, knowing it was only a dream. And I didn’t wake up. I followed my instincts. My friend had been following behind as we ran. So when lucidity hit, I turned around, walked up to her, and said, “Just hug me.” We hugged. The house continued to crumble. I felt very accomplished and didn’t have much time to think about what to do next. I looked over her shoulder, and there was a full-length mirror. In the mirror, there was a figure in a black hooded cape, like the grim reaper, with a skull for a face. The figure held out his hands, about to open them up to show me what was being held. I felt fear for what he might show me. In that moment, I thought, okay fuck this, I got this far, and I don’t want to know what he’s holding, I’m satisfied with at least having gotten this far. Still hugging my friend, I dipped my face down into her shoulder so I wouldn’t have to see. But in the split second before I couldn’t see the figure anymore, I saw what he’d wanted to show me. I don’t know exactly how to describe it, and I don’t know exactly what it was. But in his hands was a psychedelic, beautiful array of colors, crystals of bright, neon colors- something good, whatever it was. And I’d been too scared to see it. Dipping my face down had caused me to wake up, as I’d wanted to, regretting it in the split second that I saw the gift he had for me. But I’m so thankful that for that split second, I saw that the gift for me was a pleasant one.
After a few more nights of lucid dreams that I no longer remember, I stopped trying to have them for a long time. But that first dream has really stuck with me.
It was that type of experience that made me realize in present times that I can possibly use my lucid dreams to learn the truth of existence. Lucid dreams are very raw. They tell the truth about things, in my experience. They reveal who you are and what your goals are. If Jesus can be found anywhere, he can be found in your dreams. And I’m going to find out if he exists, and if not, I’m going to learn all about what the force of God is, and the meaning of life, and share it with you. This includes what I garner from when I’m awake and when I dream. Both are equally important.
There are two more past lucid dreams that I need to share with you before we are caught up to where I’m at in my journey. They are not the only spiritual ones I’ve had, but for now, you don’t need a play-by-play to understand where I’ve ended up.
After I had decided that I will use my lucid dreams to reach God, I planned that once lucidity hits me, I would call out to Jesus and see if he comes out. So when the first lucid dream came, to my surprise, I actually remembered to call out to him. I was on a beach and I looked up at a blue, clouded sky. I yelled out, “Jesus!” several times. The sun in the sky was breaking through the clouds slowly, but abruptly stopped and didn’t come out all the way. I looked at the people around me and said to them, “I know he’s here, but I can’t find him.” I gave up and proceeded to use the lucid dream as I usually had: Have sex with anyone and everyone I can grab. I stayed lucid for a really long time, it was wonderful in that itself, but when I woke up I remembered the crack in the sky and realized I had given up too soon and given in to my lust, which has done me wrong in life. Despite the strong lucidity of that night, I didn’t have even a regular dream for at least a week, which makes sense since I wasted the gift on my weakness, thus creating a spiritual block. But it was good that the gap in dreaming happened, because that has helped me to focus on not being as lustful.
Finally, after trying for a week, I began having dreams again. After about one additional week, I had another lucid dream. This time went better. I had planned to reach out to Jesus or sit and meditate, but I didn’t get that far. Once I realized I was lucid- and my dad had been sitting there in the dream- I knelt down to hug my dad, and said exactly this, knowing lucidity could slip any moment, “Dad, I just love you so much and I don’t want to lose anyone I love. I want to know the meaning of life. No one’s ever figured it out before. I’m going to figure it out.” In the middle of that last sentence, my alarm woke me up. But I realized then that my mission had been stated. I hadn’t even realized before that it had anything to do with not losing people, but it makes sense. Part of the point of spirituality is wanting to stay connected to the souls we love. My friend Derrien had died just days before that dream, and the loss was fresh in my mind. So that is my mission: Not losing anyone permanently, and knowing why we’re here, and if Jesus has anything to do with it. That dream was maybe a week or two ago.
Now we are caught up. I was sick with stomach flu over last weekend and it took some time to recover. I have been weak and not sleeping well, and did not have any lucid dreams since that one, until last night.
Once I realized I was lucid during last night’s dream, I did not think to verbally reach out to God. Instead, I ran to a computer and typed my words to him. I don’t remember anything specific, but I was typing a long-winded prayer, and I really don’t remember if it was for things I wanted for the world or myself or if I was simply praising him, but I remember the words coming up on the screen practically faster than I was actually typing them, and hearing the words being echoed to me. I’m surprised that I don’t remember even a single sentence of it. Only the essence. I just remember the sense of getting everything out there that I wanted to tell God, and that it was all being said with absolute love and praise for him. I said everything to God that I wanted to. So many words, addressing his name often, and just getting everything out there. So I did reach out to God, but not the way I’ve been imagining. Now that I’m over the flu, my dreams will get better. That was only the beginning.
So when I woke up and remembered the incessant typing of prayer, I was like, okay it’s officially time to get the blog updated, before I get too much further. I feel like that dream was to remind me that I need to get this blog up to date so I will be on track in sharing my journey with others.
So there we are. That’s where we’re at. I’m going to church tomorrow morning, and I’ll let you know what I gain from that. It will be wisdom, and who knows if anything else. As lucid dreams happen, I’ll let you know. As strange “coincidences” happen, I’ll let you know.
As I figure out the truth, I’ll let you know. I’m committed more than I have ever been in my life to learn the truth of existence, whatever it is.